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Small Time Crooks

Small Time Crooks

small-time-crooks-reviewI was told that I needed more Woody Allen on my site! Well, decided to check out “Small Time Crooks”. This 2000 Woody Allen flick was a nice treat. I haven’t seen a film like this in a long, long time. Strange characters that seem… believable. It’s refreshing to watch a PG comedy that doesn’t resort to nudity and crudity to make you laugh. The film poster is brilliant too eh? Makes me wish I had some graphic design skills. Course if I did, this website would have a header instead of just text.

Woody Allen comedy movie
He is eating a crookie. It’s like a cookie, for crooks.

“Small Time Crooks” starts with a cliche: a retired crook wants to make one last score to retire with. Course, he has a dilemma right off the bat- he needs to tap into the life savings of he and his wife… his wife earned it. Jesus, makes me not want to get married, seeing Woody Allen and his wife bickering and gabbing. What’s the brilliant plan? Lease the recently closed pizza place near the bank, and tunnel in. Frenchy is thinking he better be good at tunneling outa jail with a plan like that. They need a front for the whole operation, and Frenchy starts selling some cookies.

Maybe this ruins my street cred, but I never really got into Woody Allen before now. He’s an energetic guy who just pulls people in. It’s not classic charisma, it’s something else- it’s words. Some people have animal charisma, and some just keep talking and talking until insanity turns into sanity by act of repetition. He’s someone you can easily understand, someone who you know where they stand, always. He’s the type of guy who I would love to go to a barbeque with. Woody Allen, if you ever somehow read this, hit me up and I’ll put a couple steaks on the bbq. I’m looking back on my review of Small Time Crooks a couple days after I first published it, and what struck me the most is that this doesn’t feel like it follows the same formula of most hollywood films. It’s not so much a lead up to a climactic finish as an evolution of minor, escalating conflicts that seems more lifelike that the romanticized mountainous ups and downs of most hollywood fare.

comedy film from 2000
“Yell yell!” “Argue argue” “Grumble grumble!” That’s how marriage seems.

So who’s the crack team he rounds up? Badger from Breaking Bad shows up, had to look twice when I saw his face. Weird looking back on these movies- he plays a dumbass in this one too. Strange to look back on older movies when you see the guy in another film/show first. Okay, well it’s probably not that weird, but it seemed a bit strange to me. Oh, and he meets up with a crook from his past and his other friend, buncha small time guys trying for a big time score.

comedy movies from 2000
Badger Badger Badger Badger MUSHROOM

What a bunch. You just know these guys are going to be in over their heads in no seconds flat. And you wouldn’t be wrong in thinking that… the guys aren’t exactly Oceans 11, if you catch my drift. On the other hand, that Frenchy is one damn great baker and she can’t bake fast enough to fulfill demand. Will they keep with the original plan or go from crooks to cooks?

If you’re like me, you won’t even read the back of a movie cover before watching it. If you’re not like me, keep reading!

Guess what, they do. They get really freaking rich, the whole lot of em. Franchising out their cookies and making the big bucks. Now you have a bunch of small time crooks turned into big ol corporate fat cats. Always good to have a background in crime to be big in the business world!

Anyways, the scenes in “Small Time Crooks” with Woody Allen are pure gold, but watching Frenchy is pretty awkward. She’s kind of an aggravating character. And by kind of I mean really frigging aggravating. Course, you can’t help feel sorry for her.

“Small Time Crooks” is all about making it and what that means… Allen pretty much sums it up with my favourite quote of the movie.

“What good is being twice as big if I can’t get a cheeseburger? What’s it all mean?”

“Small Time Crooks” does bring up some questions about whether money makes you happy. I have to say, it’s better to be depressed in a Benz than starving to death. Still, if you can be happy without being obscenely rich, I’m glad for you!

If you like Woody Allen, then give Small Time Crooks a chance.

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